


It Has Begun -The Starset Series- Chapter 1

by Antigravity_Carnivore



Series: The Starset Series [1]
Category: Breaking Benjamin (Band), STARSET (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dark, Demons, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Inspired by Music, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Music, Musicians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 11:27:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8889052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antigravity_Carnivore/pseuds/Antigravity_Carnivore
Summary: For most bands, breaking out and becoming famous is a very difficult task.  Dustin Bates, of Starset has a chance encounter with Benjamin Burnley of Breaking Benjamin and a deal is made, but at what cost does fame come?





	

All the characters, names and places in the following story are works of fiction. Any similarities to real people, living or dead is pure coincidence.

I was sitting on the bridge of the ship, drifting through the endless vastness of space, alone in my solitude forest of steel and wires. Looking out the window, I could see the dark blanket of space all around me, surrounding me with a million pin points of light twinkling with an indescribable brilliance. I knew the names of each of those stars, even the smallest detail of how they came into existence, and where they belonged in the heavens. They were my constant companions, my best friends and my lovers, my guide to lead me to the edges of the universe and back again. There is something magical about outer space that entices us to explore every corner of it, always pushing one parsec further, in a quest for knowledge. To me, it was always the place I belonged. I was born with the Earth under my feet, the wind in my hair and the sun to warm my skin, but I always knew that I belonged someplace else. Out here, I could be whomever I wanted to be, there was no hatred, no ridicule, no pressure to turn me into the man that everyone always had wanted. The perfect son with a useless bit of academic paper, with his name on it, that meant nothing except an empty bank account. I never knew what freedom was until my feet left the shackles of earth and my spirit soared into the unknown. In this place, I was who I was meant to be. I took control of my own life and showed everyone how wonderful it was to defy gravity and expectations. Rising up to my feet, I walked over to the heavy glass window and stared at those stars, my friends. Once upon a time, I craved companionship, now I had it.

_There’s no hate, there’s no love, only dark skies that hang above.. I call your name as I walk alone, send a signal to guide me home…_

“Dustin..”

My brain registered a voice calling to me. I closed my eyes and wished it away. I don’t want to leave here, not yet. Let me explore just a little longer. One more step into the unknown. Let me touch the light of one more star and feel it go supernova in my hand.

“Dustin…. Dustin. Hey man you’ve got to get up and get dressed, it’s almost time to go meet the others.” Others? Hmm? Slowly I opened my eyes as the bright early morning sunlight washed over me and the curtains were forcibly drawn open. I could just barely make out the silhouette of Brock skittering around my room, obviously far too jubilant and excited for this time of the morning. I threw my arm over my eyes and leaned back in bed. I could hear him rifling through things, as if searching for something. My blanket was suddenly yanked away and I groaned in protest. “Today’s the big day, you’ve been working so hard for this, are you just going to sleep through it?” I nodded and wished that I was back in the silent space, devoured by black holes and exploding stars—anything would be better than my band mate’s chipper mood. We had worked for years for today, he was right about that. It was the cumulative effort of each of us giving something up, sacrificing a little bit of ourselves and our lives to make something unique and wonderful. For me, it was letting some people whom I was close to down, in order to live my own life, to fulfill my own dream. Sure, we had tried this once before, defying all of those people who told us that leaving our education to be rock stars was a ridiculous idea, and we did fail.. but something inside of me never gave up, it prompted me to only try harder and prove them all wrong.

_No one wants to hear your words, silly boy._

Tossing the sheet aside and ignoring the obvious discomfort of my half naked body, Brock sat down on the edge of the bed and stretched his long legs out, sighing and looking up to the cracked ceiling of the hotel room. “This is what we've been waiting for! Finally done with all those small town clubs! I am telling you, it was pure luck that we landed this gig with Breaking Benjamin, Dustin. They could of chosen anyone to take with them on their tour, but they chose us!!” He took a moment to give me a rather hard punch in the shoulder. “Come on man, aren't you at the least bit excited!? We get to open for a major act, people are finally gonna see us!”

Sighing in resignation, I managed to pull myself up into a sitting position and glanced at my blurry reflection in the mirror. Even without my glasses, I knew that I must of looked like hell. Long nights of constant worry were my routine these last few days, and on several occasions consciousness could only be chased away by the bottle of whatever alcoholic beverage I could get my hands on. Everything I worked for was hanging by a small thread over my head, on the fate of the stars and another well known band. My dealings with Ben were over the phone and through the group's manager, I had never met any of them before, and this worried me more than anything. Nothing like putting all your eggs in one basket. These upcoming shows held the key to our future. And right now, gazing at the man who was staring back at me in that mirror wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon. “Yeah Dustin, you look like death.” Brock got up and walked to the bathroom, grabbed a towel. “You've slept all day, so you better get your ass in gear and head on over to the event center, or else you're going to miss sound check... and if that happens we're going to replace you with a trained monkey.”

“You know that they sent a monkey into space some years back...” I muttered, in a half-ass attempt at sarcasm.

He turned and headed for the door. “Yeah I know, and I bet it smelled better than you.” Brock laughed and tossed the towel me, hitting me square in the face, and messing up my already badly bed matted hair. “Now that's a good look, I think we can work with that.”

I flipped him the bird and he left, heading down the hallway singing.

_Nothing could ever stop us from stealing our place in the sun..._

Hours later, half a day gone and sound check was done and the sun was starting to set. I glanced out the window and could see the long line of cars start to back up from the off ramp which led into the city. Our first performance and it was a sold out show. Thanks to Ben. I wasn't nervous, but anxious. We weren't a typical rock band, not by any means, we had our own style, our own sound, even our own unique look. I had a great bunch of guys backing me up, even though I made them wear very confining spacesuits even in the hottest of conditions. Yeah it was a gimmick, but it worked for us. What we put out on stage was the embodiment of who and what we are. Our music was more than well timed rhythm and chords, it had a meaning, a message. It was this message that I wanted to spread to anyone who would listen, and tonight I had a very willing audience. All I needed to do was pull it off.

I opened my closet and pulled out the hanger which had a pristine white shirt on it, with a simple black bow tie draped around the top. This was my uniform, my safety blanket. I did not choose to wear anything flashy or distracting. I wanted to be simple, and to be me. The show was more about getting the message out there, the music and that meant more than anything to me. I pulled the shirt on, one arm at a time and then slowly buttoned it up. It was comforting and familiar, like home. Moving over the the mirror by the door, I followed the pattern to tie the bow tie, once, twice, three times. I couldn't seem to get it right. My fingers were shaking too much. Glancing over at the dark night sky beyond the floor length windows that led out to the balcony, I saw those heavenly stars start to glow far off on the horizon as the sun was setting. The warm hues of red,blue and gold comforted me, and I forced myself to calm down. I got the bow tied all nice and neatly, picked up my glasses and ran a hand through my hair. I was ready. Picking up my jacket and all access pass, I headed toward the hotel door and one last look out to the universe beyond. I was going to show them all. 

Four hours later, I returned to my hotel room. Everyone was celebrating and having a good time after the show, but I decided to slip out early, because I wanted to get myself more presentable in the privacy of my own room before hitting the town with the rest of the boys. The stage lights were so bright, they baked my skin and caused me to sweat more than I'd care to admit. My white shirt was sticking to me, and I grabbed a towel from back stage and looped it around my neck before I left. After promising everyone I'd be back in half an hour, I made it back and just got settled in, getting ready to shower when I heard a knock on the door. I wasn't expecting anyone. Did someone from the venue follow me here, and if so, should I have my phone out and ready to call for help? 

I opened the door slowly, the beads of sweat slowly trickled down my forehead and into my eyes, causing them to burn. Glancing out I saw a distorted figure in the hall, and heard a familiar voice. I used the towel around my shoulders to mop the moisture from my face, pushing up my glasses and readjusting them to find Benjamin standing before me, with a serious expression on his face. My heart skipped a few beats.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, trying not to sound worried.

Ben nodded and pointed to the hotel room beyond. "Uh huh. Can I come in, there's something that I would like to discuss with you."

Before I could answer, Ben stepped inside past me, moving with an unnatural feline grace that caught me slightly off guard and causing me to stagger just a bit. I stared at the imposing black figure moving into the room, speechless, caught in a awkward moment, before closing the door, and my gaping jaw as well. He was a man who easily commanded the attention of the room when he entered, and being alone with him made me feel a bit uneasy.

As my hand left the door handle, I spun around on my heel and took a few steps toward him, smiling at my new visitor. "Ummm. Ya so your show was pretty bad-ass tonight Ben."

Ben walked slowly around the room, stopping to pick up and open a beer and take a long drink out of the bottle, keeping his back towards me as he spoke. I tried my best to pretend that I wasn't the least bit nervous. "Yeah the crowd was great. Good energy from them tonight. Sold-out, as usual."

Aware that I was suddenly sweating more than usual, and my shirt was so damp with perspiration now, having not changed it after the show, I kept my distance from him, hoping that my smell wasn't too foul. "I want to thank you for giving us this chance... We've been trying for years to get our Message out there, but no one was ever really ready to take a chance on a bunch of sci-fi geeks who learned to play guitar and write a couple songs. But you know, we're serious about all of this..."

Walking over to the balcony window, Ben stared out to the vast night sky and took another drink from the bottle. "You know, I didn't come here for you to grovel in thanks Dustin. I know talent when I see it, I don't want or need appreciation. We're solid."

Hearing his words, I started to feel nauseous. A knot started to form in my throat, cutting off the air from my lungs. I slowly approached Ben, taking each step across the room with caution, almost as if walking on broken glass. I didn't know where this conversation was going, and I was afraid of the unknown. My hands were shaking and I clutched onto the towel around my neck with white knuckles and swallowed, forcing the air to go back into my body. "Was there something that--" my words were cut off before he could complete the thought.

"That I wanted?" Ben turned around and I took a sharp intake of breath. Our eyes caught and met for a moment, leaving me in a trance like state. A light from somewhere outside flashed momentarily, illuminating Ben's graceful form, dressed in all black from head to toe, with porcelain white skin and those iridescent, beautiful gray eyes. It was like looking at the visage of the angel of death, all dark and reeking of something sinister, and yet so majestic, elegant, almost ethereal. Those eyes were so deep, so endless that I just wanted to jump into them and lose myself completely, surrendering my body and soul over to that iridescent ocean of mercury. He moved across the room, closing the space between the two of us to only a foot. The nearness of our bodies being so close made me start to feel as though there were a thousand volts of electricity shooting down my spine. This was clearly not the type of visit that I had expected. "What I wanted is to tell you that I saw something tonight."

My hands clutched onto the towel as though it were my only lifeline for a dying man. Something in the back of my head told me that I should step away, back down, diffuse this tense situation, but my feet refused to move. I looked to Ben over the rim of my glasses, wanting answers. "What--what did you see?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

Reaching up, Ben took hold of the damp towel and pulled it from my grasp. I let it slip through my fingertips and crumple to the floor. Ben's fingers caught the edge of my bow tie and he pulled at it, letting the neat bow slowly unwrap as it made a hissing noise, slipping away from the soft skin and falling away to meet the discarded towel on the floor. Thinking it was some sort of joke, I started to say something, but was quickly hushed with the touch of Ben's finger on my lips. A rush of color ran across my face, making me feel feint and light headed. Ben's fingertips had a slightly rough texture to them, from years of playing guitar, but yet they were as soft as silk as he slid them down over my jawbone, and curled around it, giving him leverage to tilt my head up so that he could gaze into my eyes again.

I inhaled sharply as his other hand went up to my neck and with a quick motion, unbuttoned the top button of my shirt collar, and then the next, then followed by a third, leaving the shirt fall open and the glistening skin of my throat exposed. I swallowed hard as Ben then pressed his body against mine, the warmth of his skin seemingly burning through the thin fabric covering his firm form. Ben leaned in and brought his lips to the shell of my ear, keeping his tone low and quiet as he spoke, making me struggle to hear, even though there were no other sounds in the room. "I saw you tonight, and I knew that I had to have you, you are meant to be mine." Hearing these words, two possibilities ran through my mind. The very first one was a initial gut reaction, the flight or fight response. This is not normal, we are both men, we shouldn't be together, this isn't what is accepted.

But yet my mind raced with the thought that this IS what I wanted. I wanted to feel the touch of his fingers on my skin, I wanted him to be near me, I wanted his eyes to look only at me, and I wanted my body to be wrapped around his. Every nerve in my system was on fire and I was barely able to control the tremors that ran down my spine.

_Could you come and change me? Take away everything I am. Everything I am._

The air in the room had changed, became heavy and thick and it had invaded my lungs. Ben pulled away from me slowly and I started to breathe again. Was I holding my breath, and if so, for how long? “I don’t understand.. um, what do you mean?” I managed to stammer out a few syllables but listening to my own voice, made me cringe. It sounded like a stranger.

What appeared to possibly be a smile tugged at the edge of Ben’s pink lips. I couldn’t tell because he always had such a serious exterior, at least to the public, cool and calm were his norms. This fact itself frightened me. How can someone with such creativity, and talent always manage to keep his poise? And more importantly, why had these emotions suddenly come to the surface? He turned away from me and picked up his beer again, taking a long drink from it and walking back over to the window. I followed him, but kept my distance, not wanting to be washed over with that feeling of vertigo again. “Look outside, Dustin. Tell me what you see.”

I pushed my black rimmed glasses up on my nose and glanced out the window. It was a beautiful night. The traffic leaving the concert had died down considerably now, leaving a few stray streaks of red brake slights trailing down the highway, dulled only by the yellow incandescent glow of the street lights. I had lost all sense of time. After the concert, I told Brock and the others that I’d only be a short time, but now it seemed like it was either the late hours of the night or early morning I couldn’t tell. All I could see were those shimmering silver stars lining the heavens, each burning with their own individual brilliance. To me, this was my own personal heaven. “An ocean of stars. The vastness of space. A place filled with wonder and mystery, waiting to be discovered. A place where I can belong. “

Ben remained motionless, his eyes still trained on the sky. “And what do you see in yourself?”

I walked over and joined him at the window. The cool air was creeping in and was soothing on my warm flesh. I thought of a quick answer to his question, but I knew that it not be one he would want to hear, because it wasn’t the truth. I never really thought that I was a person worth anything to anyone. Countless years spent alone, doing research made me my only friend. Sure, there were times when I craved human interaction but I found out the hard way that they always let me down. Humans were so unpredictable, unreliable, untrustworthy. Humans were so…human. When I am alone, I am at peace. What do I have to offer to others? I could expose my fragile heart to them, and offer this thing called love, but it would inevitably be shattered, exploded into a thousand pieces, leaving me with nothing but an endless black hole. I couldn’t offer this sort of affection to anyone. I had my intellect, my knowledge to share with others, but every time that I put myself out there, there was always someone to tell me that my theories were ludicrous, insane, the stuff of madmen. I could show them a brand new galaxy full of never before seen wonders and they’d crucify me for sticking my nose where it didn’t belong. Ben’s question still rattled around my head. How could I answer it truthfully? What did I see in myself that would be worth mentioning? I looked outside, almost as if searching for an answer and then I found it. “What I see in myself… is a person who has been doubted, accused, ridiculed and hated for the things that he believes in.” I felt my hands clenching into tight fists, my fingernails biting into the soft part of the palm of my hands. “But even through all of that, through the worst times of my life, I’ve always had music to see me through it. It’s the single one thing that I’ve been able to hold on to. It never leaves or betrays me. I am able to communicate and express myself no other way. When I am standing on that stage, and the melody starts to play, and I can hear the crowd calling to me, it’s the best feeling ever. I am taken out of this world momentarily and transported to a place that I’ve created.” I stopped for a moment and took a deep breath, hoping that my words were reaching him. “So when you ask me, what I see in myself the answer is simple…I see a man who has the capacity to create great things, take a person to wonderful worlds with a complicated melody and meaningful lyrics.” Hearing myself say out loud things that I would never give voice to made me feel ecstatic. I felt a sense of excitement and purpose that I thought I had long since lost. Feeling this confidence, I looked at Ben, who was watching me intently with those miraculously gray eyes, and this time I did not shy away or become flustered. I was standing next to my equal. “This is my mission, my message.”

Silence. The room seemed to fill up to the brim with it. Did I say something wrong? Did I misinterpret the question. Perhaps he wanted something a bit more simple for an answer, not a deep retrospective of my life as a whole. Damn it, I overcomplicated things again with my constant psycho analyzing myself and those around me. I hated the fact that this always happened. Why couldn't I give a one or two word response instead? I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes. What time was it anyway? Everything was so still, so quiet. Before I knew it, Ben was standing directly in front of me again, and took my glasses out of my hand, tossing them onto the couch. I looked at him with a bit of confusion and wonder. That's when he put a hand on either side of my face, holding my head firmly between them and brought his lips over mine, delivering a passionate, deliberate kiss so intense that I thought my knees would give way and my body crumple to the floor. My eyes closed and I sank into his embrace, letting my arms reach out and slide down his body, resting on his hips. I felt every wrinkle and seam in the fabric of his shirt and the feverish warmth of the pale skin underneath. Now more than ever, every part of me wanted every part of him. Those warm lips were so soft and inviting, I wanted to devour them. Not being able to help myself, I deepened the kiss, and lifted the edge of his shirt a few inches, letting my fingers explore the naked flesh of this beautiful man. To my surprise, he ended the kiss, but left his lips resting against mine, letting them brush over mine as he spoke in that husky low baritone voice.

“ _I found in you what was lost in me … in a world so cold and empty.”_

My words. He was using my words, my lyrics! I let out a slight moan and felt him push me back against the window. The air left my lungs as my back hit the glass momentarily stunning me. I could feel the chill behind me, and the warmth of his body from the front. It was like fire and ice. Both sensations at the same time, sending my nerves into shock. The scent of the sweat from my own body and the beer on his breath caused me to reel just a bit, and he pressed his hands against my chest, holding me up. I rested the back of my head against the glass, and closed my eyes for a moment as he pulled at the folds of my shirt, and exposed my chest. I could feel each small movement of his icy fingers as they pushed the material away from my body. Bending down slightly, he used those fingers to push my head to the side and bring his lips to my neck, kissing a line vertically down, following a thick blue vein that lurked just below the surface of my skin. The first few kisses were tender and gentle but as he dipped lower and lower, they became more intense, and lingered longer. Nearly reaching my collar bone, I could feel a slight pinch as his teeth grazed over the skin of my throat, and I realized that these kisses were becoming bites.

I winced slightly, the sharp sting of his teeth grazing over my skin totally unexpected. “Ben.. I.. “ No idea what I was even trying to say, I drew my lower lip into my mouth to stop myself from saying anything else. More likely, I was afraid that I would moan his name and be totally embarrassed. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my skin, and the slight touch of one of his hands as it played across the flat plane of my chest. His fingers traced invisible filigree patterns around my nipples, concentric circles growing larger as they started to descend further down my body, finding their way to my navel, where he spread each fingertip out and arched them, letting his nails bite into the soft flesh of my stomach. My back arched against the window, and I closed my eyes, reeling in the exquisite sensation. I could tell that my hands were trembling, so I slid them up the sides of his body underneath the shirt and pressed the palms of my hands over his pecs. The temperature of his skin went from warm to feverish in a matter of moments. It felt like fine porcelain, so delicate and smooth, almost doll like. Almost as if in response, he dropped his hand down, further below my stomach to the waistband of my jeans. My heart started beating rapidly. My lips parted and I let out a small moan as he flicked the steel button open with one fluid motion. I gripped hold of him and opened my eyes, looking down, I could see that he was enjoying the pleasurable discomfort that he was putting me through. I wanted more, I needed more and that’s exactly what he gave me. Pinching the top of the zipper, he pulled it down, and I could hear as each of the metallic teeth were separated, one by one. I slid my hands back out of his shirt, just as one of his hands dipped slightly into my jeans, parting the denim and pushing those bony fingers down into the warm recess between my legs, taking hold and giving me a tight squeeze. I let out a loud cry, cursing myself for breaking the silence of the empty room. I clutched at the front of his shirt and gathered handholds of the fabric, pulling on it tightly. I could hear buttons pop off and rattle onto the floor. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, not wanting him to hear me calling out again, but the moan lodged itself in my throat, and I forced my teeth down harder into the flesh, then heard a popping noise and felt a rush of coppery tasting liquid starting to ooze down my chin. Seeing the blood start to trickle down the corner of my mouth, Ben shifted his grasp on me, wiggling his fingers between my sensitive flesh and the too-tight confines of my pants. It was almost unbearable. Bringing his face up to mine, he licked at the line of blood, flicking it with his tongue and cleaned it away. His eyes flashed with delight as he then kissed the corner of my mouth, devouring my lips with intense delight. I reached up with one hand and ran my fingers through the dark, silken locks of his hair, as the other pressed hard into his chest. He parted my lips with his tongue, and slipped it into my mouth. An explosion of sensations assailed me all at once. I could just make out the slight taste of the beer that he had been drinking, along with the thick coppery distinct taste of blood mixed together. His fingers curled around my shaft, still painfully encased in it’s fabric prison, and started to lightly stroke it. I inhaled deeply, taking in the breath from his lungs into mine and gave into the euphoria.

Somewhere off in the distance, I heard a very light tapping. Or was it the pounding of my heart? It was beating so fast that I thought it would break through the bones of my chest. My eyes fluttered open and closed as our bodies became aroused and excited with even the slightest touch. Suddenly, he broke off our kiss and pulled away, and it was like all the lights going off in a room. I was left confused and worried. Resting his forehead against mine, he whispered my name. “Dustin?”

I struggled for a moment to regain my voice. “Ben… please don’t stop. I need you.”

Ben rested a hand alongside my cheek. “Listen to me. I need to know if you want this. I need to hear it from you before we go any further. I do not want you to regret your decision.”

Words… what was he saying? He was pulling away from me, taking that feverish warmth with him, and my body started to cool off, and become numb. I reached out for him, he did not back away but he also did not respond to me. Without a shirt on I noticed how cold the room was, and I started to shiver. “Please, don’t leave me like this.”

He reached up and placed his other hand alongside of my face, holding my head still like he had done earlier, and made me gaze into his eyes. “Dustin, stop for a moment, take a breath.” There was the tapping sound again, I could hear it more loudly now, what was it? “You have to tell me that you really, truly want this, that you would be willing to leave everything behind for this.”

I forced myself to concentrate on his words. Damn that tapping sound was getting louder. Why wouldn’t it go away? What time was it? Is that rain on the window? I did as he said and took a moment to collect myself, my thoughts were all over the place. “I’ve never felt like this before. I am so confused, what are you asking me?”

“You see things...” he pointed out to the horizon, where I could no longer see the stars in the sky. A heavy cover of clouds had rolled in, blanketing everything with a thick, ominous haze. My sanctuary was being invaded. “Things that others do not. You find beauty in chaos, light inside a vacuum of space, and history in the future. When I heard your voice sing for the first time, and you so passionately sung about these things, I was fascinated. Almost instantly, I fell in love with all these ideas and theories that you were so desperately trying to show to others. I had to find out for myself what other revelations belonged to this man. What I am offering you is a chance to expand on these dreams.” I was listening to him intently, hanging on every single word, then noticed the tone in his voice changed, dropped and became intensely serious. “I only require one small thing, and in the grand scheme of things, it's really really just a small thing.” I cringed at the way he emphasized the word small. “If that is what you seek, then say it..” Ben whispered, his breath on my skin. “Say the words that will let you become what you are truly meant to be. To see what’s beyond the horizon and to the universe beyond. All I ask is so little. Tell me that you are ready for this, to feel and experience things that you could have never of imagined.”

I was still so confused in my mind as to what he was asking. All I was aware of his how close he was to me again, and that warm feeling is all I wanted to be surrounded by. He could be asking me to do the impossible and I would agree at this point. He was an truly intoxicating person, and I so desperately wanted to drown in his whole being. The rain had stopped outside and I could just make out a dim haze of fog rolling in and down the empty road as he led me back towards the windows. The streetlights illuminated his figure as he placed his hand on my shoulder and then ran his fingers down my bare shoulders. His fingertips left burning marks on each of my nerve endings. My eyes fluttered and the wave of ecstasy washed over me again. A small moan escaped my throat and I reached out for him. My body knew the answer to his question before my lips would say it.

Ben grabbed hold of my wrists, squeezing them tightly. It wasn’t pleasurable at all, instead it was excruciatingly painful. I never realized how strong he was. The tips of my fingertips started to go numb. “Stop putting yourself through this torment, Dustin. I can do wonders for you.” Tightening his grip on my arms, he leaned in and kissed the side of my cheek, and it felt awkward, almost tempestuous. Why the image of Judas kissing Jesus in Garden of Gethsemane flashed into my head, I wasn't sure. I swallowed hard, forcing the knot in the back of my throat to go back down. His fingernails dug into the flesh of my wrist, biting into the soft skin. “I won’t ask again, last time.. say it.” His voice raised. “SAY IT!, one word is all I need.”

My mouth formed the word and the sound came out of my throat before I could even think. “Yes…” I whispered, tasting each syllable as they ran over my lips. Benjamin's serious face beamed with a devilish smile. I felt him release my wrists and move my body back against his, pulled in by some unexplained magnetic force as he leaned in to kiss me. Those warm, soft lips felt so wonderful against mine, and his embrace was totally enveloping, and blanketing me with a soothing sensation of euphoria.

He whispered against my lips and his voice was loud and clear as it ran through my head. “Thank you, Dustin.” I couldn't help but to let my body finally give into the urges and desires it was so craving. I pulled Ben's black shirt up and over his head, marveling at the perfectly chiseled torso in front of me. I was right, his skin was as smooth and perfect as marble, everything that my deluded mind had wanted it to me. Lines of dark colored tattoos danced up and down his forearms, the unmistakable trademark of someone in the music business. He wore no jewelry, and didn't need it at all, for the pale gray gemstone irises of his eyes were all he needed for adornment. I wanted all of this clothes off, all at once, at this very moment. I was desperate to have contact with him. I fumbled for the belt on his jeans, but he stopped me and I looked on, somewhat confused. Were there rules to this sort of encounter? I had never engaged in this type of seduction before and now I began to worry. How would I know what he wanted? How can I please him and make him feel the same excitement as I was feeling.

“Now I can show you exactly how you can please me.” he chortled. I didn't like the tone in his voice. Ben pulled his arm back, and I watched in dull fascination at his movements, almost in slow motion as he suddenly shot it forward again and with a full force blow, plunged it right into my chest. A searing, blinding wave of pain shot through my body and almost instantly I started choking on my own blood. I gaze at him questioningly... and then I saw him change. His eyes when from the dusty gray colour, to an intense red, blazing from some inner power deep within. His back arched and he hunched over slightly, and I watched in horror as two enormous wings sprung from his back. As soon as they were free, the unfurled them, sending hundreds of black pin feathers falling down around us. The blood from the wound on my chest started dripping down, the warmth reminding me that he had pretty much just punched a hole through me. I looked down and watched as he withdrew his arm, covered in blood from the wound and removed my still beating heart. The pain was so intense. I immediately dropped to my knees and clutched at the hole, trying so desperately to keep what little life blood I had inside of me, but then I realized that I was still breathing. I looked up to see him standing over me. The nails on his right hand had formed razor sharp talons, which were gripping my heart. How could I still be alive? “You are alive, Dustin because I will it so. This.. organ is just symbolic, the pact as been made, and this chunk of useless flesh is to seal the deal.”

A wave of nausea cover came me and I heaved a mouthful of blood onto the carpet. Here I was, down on my knees in front of Benjamin.. no.. this wasn't Ben. This was something else, some sort of demonic being that came here to slaughter me. A nightmare made flesh and bone, playing with the thin thread of life that I still had remaining. “Why.... wh--” was all that I could get out.

Ben cocked his head to the side, and gazed down at me. Even through all the pain, as I looked up at him and our eyes met, I still thought that he was the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen in my life, and even if my life ended in the next few moments, it was well worth it. “I told you before, Dustin... I chose you because you are different than others. You are a dreamer. You dare to stand against the world when everyone else is telling you to back down. I wanted you from the first moment that I laid eyes on you, and I am sure that you wanted the same thing too.” As he spoke, he brought the heart up to his eye level and held it out, the blood was now everywhere. Off in the distance, the tapping I heard earlier started again, this time becoming louder and louder. It sounded more persistent now. “You needed to be set free from these earthly shackles, and I did just that.”

“What are you---” I grumbled.

“Does it matter?” Ben flattened out his fingers and the heart suddenly burst into flames and then when out. The disgusting scent of burning flesh assailed my nostrils, and made me gag even more. He walked over to me with those magnificent wings trailing out behind him and let the ashes fall to the floor in front of me. Reaching down, he wrapped his fingers around my neck and pulled me back up to my feet. A gurgle of blood reached the top of my throat and spilled out of my mouth as the room began to spin and lurch. “Are you going so fast? I thought you'd be able to enjoy these moments a bit better. Really appreciate them. Remember, this is what you wanted. “

The pain in my chest from the torn tendons, broken bones and blood loss was excruciating. Every part of my body screamed out in pain, and all I wanted was for it to stop. I felt myself begin to lose consciousness. “Please... Ben... end this.”

Ben snarled at me. “What? Now you beg for me to end this, the most fantastic journey of your entire life? Maybe I was wrong about you after all.”

A single tear fell from my eye, and I felt him sigh. He then took hold of my neck and hurled my body back toward the large patio window. I had the sensation of the cool air hitting me as my body broke through the glass and landed in a crumpled heap outside. Ben trodded over and gave me one last kiss on the cheek. “Don't go dark on me, Dustin.” he rose and jumped from the railing and disappeared. It was early morning now, and the rain had turned to snow during the night. I looked around at the red splotches that were staining the concrete, seeping into the new fallen snow.

There was the tapping noise again. I struggled to focus on it. Everything went dark. There was no pain, no feeling, just a black nothingness. The inky black surrounded me, and it felt warm and comforting at first. Clutching at my chest, I found nothing wrong. No wound, no torn bits of flesh and muscle left exposed. I was wearing my white shirt, pristine and clean, along with the simple black bow tie. My glasses were even back on my face. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the coolness wash completely over me, and felt a soft light emanating from somewhere beyond. I cautiously opened my eyes and gazed out into the vast universe beyond. I was now standing a hill top, overlooking a rocky canyon, totally devoid of any signs of life. It was night, but the illumination that I perceived was that of a hundred billion stars high above my head, each shining with a unique brilliance of their own. Their silver starlight washed away the darkness and bathed me in their phosphorescent incandescence. Occasionally a bright trail of light would flicker and cascade across the heavens, leaving a halo of stardust in its wake, making the sight before me even more surreal. I glanced down and saw that I was standing on a narrow ledge, my feet covered in red dust that swirled up around my ankles as I moved. Leaning forward, I cautiously struggled to look down to see what was below me, but all I could see were ominous; churning mist that seemingly went on forever. I wasn’t quite ready to test the limits of what was beyond that yet. No wind or air currents of any kind circulated here in this place, and strangely enough it wasn’t hard to breathe. The temperature was perfect, almost artificial. Where was I? The only familiarity I had was the very subdued sound of tapping off in the distance. It was the same as in the hotel room. I shouted, just to hear my own voice, and was met with nothing, not even an echo. This disturbed me. I kicked a loose stone off the edge of the cliff and watched as it plunged into the swirling mists that consumed it. I turned on my heel to see what was behind me and there was nothing, absolutely nothing… the mist that churned below me, also hid whatever was behind me. I took a few steps away from the edge of the cliff and into the void of darkness behind me. The mists seemed to have a life of their own, swirling and creeping around my ankles, viscous and snake like. Everything was changing. I kept walking and noticed that my legs and feet were starting to become heavy. Each step became more and more laborious. Beads of sweat broke out on my brow and it became hard to breathe. I stopped for a moment, leaning over and rested my hands on my knees, gasping for air. A sense of foreboding came over me. I knew that I had to get out of this weird place. The sooner, the better. I stood up and without even thinking, I started running, trying to break off the invisible weights on my feet. My arms pumped and my chest heaved. The mists separated as I barreled through them, and the red dust covering the ground filtered up, and I reluctantly inhaled it. My lungs immediately started burning, and each breath felt like I was swallowing a thousand razor blades. I started to cough, but I refused to give in. I wouldn’t be a prisoner to this… wrongness. Running as fast and as hard as I could, the pain inside started to overcome me. The small amount of oxygen that I managed to take in through gasps and coughs wasn’t enough to sustain me and I tripped and crumpled to the ground in a miserable heap. A series of dry heaves overcame me and I surrendered myself to them and wretched uncontrollably.

_“I can feel you running, running… every night from the same darkness.”_

My own lyrics…he was mocking me. Laughing almost. A tear formed in the corner of my eye and I blinked it away. What was he doing to me? How was this hallucination was supposed to be something that I wanted? For all I knew, this void could very much go on forever, and I would be trapped here in my own purgatory. I looked up to the heavens again, and saw all those beautiful stars up there in the cosmos, so far away, completely out of reach. I had been so greedy in my thoughts, insisting that others leave me to my solitude, and then yet craving human interaction so badly. Ben was the only person I had ever let get that close to me in a long time, and now that he was gone, I felt remorseful, that I took advantage of him, so desperately needed him that I failed to even serious consider what he was asking of me. Was being able to reach out and physically touch another human being so damned important, that I could throw everything away for it? This isn’t who I was. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. How could I be so foolish? I wanted to be back there, standing on that stage full of people, I wanted to feel the rush of a thousand voices all singing along with mine, seeing the room light up with all their faces, spreading the Message. Whatever Ben had taken away from me, it was a crucial part of who I was, and I felt empty without it, I had to get it back. One way or another, I was going to return.

Pulling myself together, I rose to my feet and took a long deep breath. It was time to leave this limbo. My boots crunched loudly on the ground as I walked back over to the edge of the cliff and paused to collect myself. I was slowly starting to pull it together, or…maybe I was finally starting to lose it? Those beautiful silver stars were watching over me as I took another step toward the edge, but I didn’t look down this time. Instead, I kept my eyes trained on those stars and planets, they were guiding me home. I could now hear that tapping sound once again, this time more prominently than ever before and I was able to tune in on it and hear it more clearly. I started to walk in that direction. It wasn’t a tapping after all, but a dull knocking, which became louder and louder with each step I took. It was only a matter of minutes until my left foot stepped out and I toppled over the edge of the cliff. I was now falling, flying, sinking into the murky depths of nothing. The knocking stopped. Someone started calling my name. “Dustin… “ was I hearing things again? I closed my eyes. “Dustin, Dustin.. .” I was finally at peace, and then I felt a touch. A real, physical touch. Someone was shaking me. “Hey man, wake up.” I struggled to pry my eyes open, the bright mid day sun was searing my eyeballs, so intense and painful that I closed them and held them shut. I could now hear other voices around me. Familiar, somehow. “Oh man, is he even alive? How did he get out there? What happened last night? Should we call a doctor? Let’s get him up.” I was suddenly and very violently forced to my feet. I opened my eyes and squinted against the light and started to shiver. I was outside on the balcony of the hotel, with my shirt hanging open, my bare skin exposed to the freezing cold elements. It was snowing and the wind was whipping against my face, lashing out with a icy coldness that froze me right down to my bones. My closest friend and band mate Brock had his arms around me, helping me to my feet. He was the one that was calling to me.

I blinked against the sun and whispered to him. “Brock? How did you get here?”

“Hey, just relax man we got you. Here come inside. You’ll freeze to death out there.” There were others around me, talking, gesturing, but I could only focus on Brock’s voice. He was trying so hard to keep calm, keep me calm but there was a underlying note of worry. He sat me down on the couch and threw a thick blanket over me. I pulled it tight over my damp shoulders.

“What---“ my voice momentarily left me and Brock reached out to put his arm around me. I leaned in against him for warmth. “What happened?” Someone brought a cup of coffee and handed it to me, I accepted it and wrapped my fingers over the porcelain.

“Last night, after the show you disappeared. You told us that you were coming back here to change and were going to meet us but you never did. It started to get late and no one could reach you, so we decided to pop in and find out what was keeping you. When we arrived, we could hear you talking, calmly at first to someone, and then you started shouting. We were pounding on your door for half an hour but when you didn’t answer, we got the management to let us in. Glad we did too, because we found you outside on the balcony with the doors open, covered in snow, half frozen and looking like you were dead. I don’t know what happened to you man, but a little while longer and you wouldn’t of made it. What happened?”

I listened to his story and shivered, not because of the coldness, but because I could not explain anything that happened. What was I supposed to tell him anyway? It had to be some sort of dream, maybe I drank too much. There was no way that I could tell him the truth, even if I understood what the truth was. Did Benjamin really come into my room seduce me, turn into a demon and rip my heart out, only to throw me through the window and leaving me trapped in purgatory? It even sounded ridiculous in my head. Looking around the room, other than the open window that they had slammed shut there was no sign of anything amiss. Brock was looking at me with a expectation, waiting for my answer. I didn’t know what to say to him, even a convincing lie might sound completely ludicrous at this point. I took a long drink from the cup, giving myself a few extra moments to think of something. I exhaled and kept my gaze trained on the cup, watching the steam rise up and took a long breath. “Brock, I honestly don’t know what happened. I have no memory of last night after the show, I must of blacked out.”

I waited for his accusation, his request for more information, but instead, he smiled at me and gave me a reassuring nod. “It’s alright man. We’ve got a car coming to take you to the hospital to get you checked out, you were out there for hours, and it’s better to make sure that you’re ok.”

Shaking my head, I sat the half full cup of coffee down on the table. Being cooped up in a medical facility was the last place that I wanted to be. All I wanted is to get warm again and try to make sense of what happened. “No Brock there’s no need.” The mass of people that had barged into my room was slowly starting to dwindle. There was a representative of our label there, some PR people from the venue, and too many of the nosy hotel staff to count. “What I would really like is a hot shower, and some drier clothing. After that, then we can talk.”

“Oh yeah sure man, why do you go hit the shower and I’ll take care of things here.” He looked at me warily. “As long as you’re alright?” I nodded, and started to head towards the bathroom, keeping the blanket clutched against my chest. “But don’t think that I am going anywhere. I’m staying right here with you.”

Smiling to myself, I headed to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Brock was such a friend, I had no right to turn him away. Slowly, I peeled off my clothing and stood in front of the mirror, looking at my disheveled appearance. My hair was a mess, going every which way, I had huge, blueish bags under my eyes, and my skin was so pale that it was almost translucent. I went to the shower and turned on the hot water, to let the room warm up and then returned to the mirror to take another look. The steam had almost instantly started to build up and I reached out to wipe it away, then seeing the image before me, staggered back against the wall. It was not my reflection gazing back at me, but that of Ben, in his demonic form with those burning red eyes staring right at me. I involuntarily let out a cry loud enough to be heard outside. The image in the mirror smiled at me with a carnivorous, indecent smile with a mouthful of razor sharp teeth, dripping with blood. I heard his voice in my head.

“ _Take away everything I am_.”

I slammed my head against the back of the wall and slid down, my naked flesh slipping over the moist tiles and grabbed my knees rocking back and forth uncontrollably. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to purge everything from my mind.

Then I felt his fingertips touch my cheek.

 

To be continued. . .

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I got the pleasure of meeting and seeing both bands perform this summer and loved the way that both men would interact with one another, and it got me thinking that maybe there was more between them that meets the eye.
> 
> I am planning on adding more chapters to this, depending on the feedback that I receive. 
> 
> After all, we don't know what it was that Ben took yet... it's a secret. Shh


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